a long overdue update.

I'm alive, i promise! the blogger site is horrible, so I decided to give the blogger app one more try. Ok, so i actualy have things to talk about.
First of all, I got my apartment!!!!! I moved in last saturday, i absolutely love it
! I've finally got things put away where i know where they are. New apartment also means new people to ride with at church. I kinda had a hard time adjusting. I wasn't use to going to sunday school, and honestly, i didn't like it at all, its not that he's not a good teacher, i just had a hard time. Today was much better, so I beti might have been just a little overwhelmed last week with all that was going on. But things are calm down now. I got my cable, phone, and internet hooked up on monday, yay. I'm looking into some volunteer work at one of the schools here. It helps that the principal happens to be my 3rd grade teacher. I don't know what I'll be doing , but i asked if i could be in the resource class, I want to work with kids who have learning issues. I know all about them, and if i can make them like learning, and gain some confidence, then that will help a lot. plus, if i can show them the love of jesus, then that's all that matters. Now, i don't force my beliefs on anybody, but I hope by my actions they will inquire and want to know about him. Plus, i wear a cross, and no, i most certainly will not take it off when i enter that school, if people can talk about islam and other religions, then i'm sure gonna wear my cross. I have a problem with people who bring there islam books and stuff into our schools, and nothing is ever said or done about it, but o no no no, you can't bring that bible in here, you can't wear that shirt with anything about christianity on it, its not a christmas tree,its a holliday tree. the islamic people can worship there gods no matter where they are, but if a christian prays or even talks about jesus o that's just wrong. well let me tell yall something!!!!! Jesus is the only one that can, save, heel, and set free!! read it, its in the bible, no man shall have no other gods before me!! I'm not tryin to ruffle feathers, i really didn't mean to get off on this, but i'm speeking the truth. Now, i don't judge others who believe differently or not at all, that's not my job, only one can judge anybody, and his name is above every name. it says work out your own salvation with fear and trimblling, so that's up to you. I'm not gonna not talk to someone who is islam, i'm not gonna unfriend someone who believes differently. But, remember, this is my blog, my space to write my thoughts, and you don't have to read it. so, on that plesent note, i'm out. more later.

first post from my iphone.

well, my computer is sick, so until further notice all my posts will be coming from my iphone. so, what's been happening? well, nothing really. Still no apartment, i'm trying to be patient and wait on god, some ays are harder than others. i've just been reading a lot of books, yay. The seasons seem to be finally changing, this weekend has been very fall like, and the week looks like it will remain this way. We're making progress on our church, we have started the foundation,and we're praying to have it done by the begining of january if not sooner. We're having a fund raser on saturday , its called faith fest, we'll have music, games, dunking booth, and lots more. I can't wait! I will be going homewith a couple from church saturday night, yay! i've known them ever sense i've been there, so i'm very excited! Also that sunday morning, we will be having church on the property, i expect god to show up and show off, we will be able to see the foundation from our worship area which is actualy the picnic area, so i expect great things, I can't wait till we're n this new building! We meet in the midle school just down the road, we're renting there auttotorium on sunday and weds till we get our church done. anyway, that's that. I just attempted to use the blogger app, no luck, it is not very voice over friendly. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the facebook app on my phone, its not bad, just different, i switch between it and the focus app which works pretty good with voice over. anyway, I think thats all i got, hope everyone hasa blessed week!

my love, and strugle with books.

don't faint, i'm updating twice in one month! this post came to me saturday afternoon, well part of it did, the other part is still taking shape. So, this might end up being a 2 parter. in fact if i can get my thoughts together it will be. SO the topic for this entry is books. Not what I'm reading, but how my love of books began. When I turned 6 i started kindergarden, and not only did i have to interact with sighted classmates and try to keep up, but I also had to learn how to read and stay on grade level.So i started learning braille, and I did fairly well at it. I was a good student, on a b honor role you name it till about 5th grade, then something changed.well, ok, thats not exactly true, the warning signs happened in about 3rd grade, when i would have spelling words i had to memorize and would be tested on them later. I had the braille copy, and mom had the print copy. every night was a struggle, aftger the rest of my homework was done, she would make me study those stupid words, then she would ask me how to spell them.I would sit here and pretend to be studying while i was really thinking about how quick i could get in my room and to my headphones so i could crank up faith hill, i think that was my artest of choice during those years.Anyway, to summarize, I was and still am a horrible speller, something wasn't registering in my brain, i still get there their and they're mixed up when i'm writing, well not they're but the other 2. Of course till half way through 5th grade my only way of reading was braille, they just kept throwing braille at me, here read this, and i didn't know any different. We did whats called an excelerated reader program that year, where you would read a book then take a test on it on the computer. Finaly, someone got the bright idea to introduce me to audio books, and that was it. I took off, reading everything I could get my hands on.Every week, we'd go to the library at school and i'd get another book, and would finish it and be tested on it. Let me tell you how in love i was with books, sometime that year I got the diary of ann frank, i didn't understand a lot of it, and boy was it long, but i finished it. I loved the places I could go just by putting a tape into a machine. Of course i wasn't interested in school stuff, I didn't care about science, but i did care about literature, I got excited when we would have to read novels, and I was able to answer most of the questions the teacher gave, but the rest of the subjects, please, just let me read and leave me alone. in fact, thats why my grades suffered so bad later because my textbooks wernt in audio format, and by the time I started getting them in that format I was past the point of caring. technology has developed in such a way that i can now read multiple books on my iphone. I use an app called read2go, it was very expensive, like 20 bucks, but it was well worth it. I get my reading material from www.bookshare.org. my only request when people suggest books to me is that it have a story line to it, i cannot read a book just with facts, something has to happen, i need a story. I know some of you are wondering well ok, if you have to have a story how do you read the bible? To be perfectly honest, its very hard. While the bible in itself is a story, I have a very hard time with it, but, every morning and every night I do a devotional, and it tells me what scripture to look at after it gives me something to ponder.I can't just open up the bible and read it I have to have some goal, some scripture i'm looking for. and. a lot of times I miss it because while i'm trying to pay attention my mind goes somewhere else. my senior year I was tested for being learning disabled. My reading was not up to grade level, in fact I can't exactly remember what they said it was, but i'm not stupid I knew it was low because every time i would have to read out loud in class i was always very slow. Even at the school for the blind, everyone read like sighted people and I struggled and had to sound out words. I took the act about the time i was being tested for being LD, and to tell you how bad it was my score was a 10.When i read braille everything just jumbles together and I don't get anything out of it, I do much better retaining information if i have audio, but still don't expect me to be able to tell you what happened at what point in the book. a lot of times I still forget who people are in a story, sometimes it comes back to me but sometimes not, actualy its not people its events that give me trouble. A lot of times I just go with it because i don't remember exactly what happened. now, the good news in all of this, I'm still gonna keep reading, this has not dampered my interest, I love going places with just a click of a button. I hope this has interested somebody.

have some ramblings.

so once again i have slacked on blogging, o well, not realy anything new. I do have some things to say though. First of all I will no longer be posting my blogs to social media because of the recent war I started when i posted a status last wed night. I will pick and choose who I want to read my stuff, and they are people i know wil not be critical of me. now, what happend, you may ask? Last wed i was on the phone with my friend, and something was brought up about harry potter and reading the books and watching the movies. She said that when i read that stuff I'm inviting evil into my house. now, before i continue, its important to note this,when people say things to me if i'm gonna get mad i usualy don't do it right away, it takes anywhere from a few minutes to a few days before it really makes me mad. and I'm usualy not very calm cool and collected, i'm usualy saying stupid stuff that i regret later, o yes I have a temper. you might not think that just by interacting with me, and the longer I keep stuff inside the madder i get. so that didn't sit well with me when she said it, and then i started thinking about it and just got furious, so i posted to facebook just because I read HP doesn't mean I'm inviting evil and doesn't mean I'm not christian, and how i better not hear anybody say I'm not a christian because of what i read. so the comments started coming in, o very well said and agree and stuff like that.then came 2 people's comments, that just really put me under the bus so to speek.I have met both of these ladies before, one of them use to be in the singing group i was apart of at antioch. both of them are very outspoken, and don't care to let you know it. One of them just started bashing me for reading that stuff and just because its fake doesn't mean its not real, the other one came to my defense and it just got nasty. I have never had anything like that happen before on a a status, so i finaly just told them both to stop they were making my head hurt. in fact one of them is real lucky i didn't remove her on the spot.I went to church that night, but i was so broken, i felt like a peece of dirt in the carpet that someone just stepped on over and over.We had an awsome move of god that night, but i could do nothing.I sat in my seat with my elbows close to my body and I never put my purse down.things were happening, but I wanted no part of it, i wanted to go home. so finaly I got my wish, we left met my uncle where we always meet, got in the car and mom calls, where are you at? this next part is not my words but hers, mom, where are you at? me, we're on our way home, mom, my god! how long does church last! I don't know if i actualy flinched physicaly but I know i did emotionaly when she said that last part. So my uncle dropped me off at home, and mom would not speek to me, not even hi, she went to bed and i went to my room.the next day my monthly visitor showed up, so not only was i past the point of depressed, but I wanted to murder someone. So me and my uncle go to cookeville that night to eat and see my grandmother, and here he starts on me, i told you one day you were gonna start war, i told u not to put that stuff on there for everybody to see. We have always been at odds on what is facebook exceptable and what isn't. I just say what i think and if people have a problem with it then they don't have to be my friend, well i use to till i started all that.Going back to that just a minute, i actualy took a 24 hour break from fb because i was so depressed and couldn't take anymore. so we go eat and stuff and on the way back something was brought up about the way i answer the phone.now, if i know you I won't answer the phone hello? I'll be like yes? thats just how i am, i don't like the phone anyway, in fact after about 10 minutes or so I get bord and am ready to hang up.The only exceptionto that is if I really need to talk. so here he starts, you need to be more pleasent, uh, excuse me?Sometimes you really have an attitued problem, o really?o and here's the thing I hate, you are just like your mother! Here's what i thought but didn't say. an attitued problem? huh, wonder why that is? yall think i can't do nothing for myself, and the things i do yall go right behind me and redo it, yall told me i couldn't have a dog as a pet because i couldn't take care of it, so i setteled for a cat, which is fine now but i wanted a dog. You make fun of the church i go to, just cause it ain't church of christ doesn't mean I'm going to hell,and by the way wayne and mom church is the only place i can be myself, the only place nobody tries to change me or fix me or say you can't you can't you can't. Instead its go for it! so anyway, to make a long blog short because I'm tired of typing, i was so ready for sunday and I was greatly rewarded. I got up sunday morning ready to worship and worship i did.I sang and shouted like i haven't done in a long time, and i didn't care if i was sharp, flat, or just plain awful.in fact I couldn't hear the choire, but i was like ok, well if noone else will sing i will, if noone else will shout i will. and that, finaly brought me all the way up out of the pitt i had been in, finaly i was able to answer honestly when people said how are you? and now I'm back on the rock!

summerness

well, here it is a day away from july, and I haven't posted in 2 months. hey what can i say? there really haven't been any major developments. well, except we had to send in the iphone because of the messed up headphone deal, and after a horrible ordeal I now have a working phone, I have had for a few weeks. O and cirri is growing on me, i know why i don't use it much, it makes you lazy! Last weekend was pretty hectic but very fun, I went swimming, then to hear live music. sunday was church, a cookout in the afternoon, then the vbs cookout for church, yeah i was a little tired of burgers, and wore out in general. I have recovered nicely and am ready to do it again when the chance presents itself. No apartment yet, but mom is not working all that much right now so I'm helping out with bills and stuff,I think god new this was coming so he is waiting for things to stablelize a little. By the way they broke a record for the highest temperature ever in nashville yesterday, it is very hot, but I'm blessed to have ac.I have been doing lots and lots of reading. it makes the days go quicker. and that, my friends is all the update i have for you.

finally!

no, i don't have an apartment yet, but i do have an iphone! and yes, I love it! It does everything I could possibly want. only 1 problem, that is the headphone jack only works in 1 ear, not a huge deal, but at the same time very annoying. everybody I've talked to says sounds like the jack is busted, and I don't know how it could be, because i haven't dropped it or anything. when I transfered all my stuff from my ipod to my phone, everything transfered except 1 crucial thing. my bible, the ap is their, but I'm having to use a different bible vershion than i'm use to because the niv didn't transfer. again, not a huge deal, and I'm getting use to it, but its still frustrating. I do have news on an apartment, sense you are reading this hoping for something other than iphone iphone iphone. I am now 2nd on the waiting list, so I wont get the next available opening, but I will the 1 after that. I'm hoping to be in by sometime this summer, but we'll see. the joke I tell everybody is well if i'm not in by summer, maybe i'll be in by football season, or if not then maybe basketball season, or if not then well theirs always track and feeld time next spring haha. the wait is made somewhat more bearable because I know I'm much closer than i was a year ago. so thats where things stand, on both apartment and phone. theirs a lot more to the phone saga, but I don't feel like writing it.

remending

i'm not sure when this will get posted, because as of this moment my internet is down, but its important to note that the date is 4-4-12. wait, 12 right? let me look,yes 12, sorry about that. now on to the content of todays post, if i can type without hitting 10 letters at once, which is looking mighty tricky right now.
so remember the post last night on how I felt god wasn't working? yeah, that, um, he proved me wrong today, praise the lord! I spent most of the day laying down or just kinda sitting around, but I did send one text saying if you have any incouragement laying around i need it badly. that was at like 12 something, and I didn't hear anything but i was so depressed i was like fine whatever. so right before mom got home a little after 5:30 i got this text,i want you to get up right now and start praising the lord. no matter how it looks or if you feel like it, do it. That made me sooo mad, part of me was thinking how dare you say that to me, you don't understand what I'm going through, then a very small voice said this, psst, hey, the bigger ones still sayin how dare her say praise the lord, she has no psst, hey,idea what i'm, psst, hey, going through, psst, hey, what! what, do you want! the small voice said this: yes, she does know.that stopped me, i was like what? again, louder, she knows and understands. then it hit me and I was like, o! your right, she does understand. when that clicked the burden lifted. now, i've sped it up a little, all this didn't happen in 2 minutes, it was several texts and about an hour before i got it. now, why share this? because for the first time in at least 3 days my eyes are open, i now believe that anything i right in that leter, god will hear and deal with it, he already knowsall the desires of my heart, i believe he's wanting to see me surrender them into his hands. he knows i'm waiting on a word or action, and the devil also knows it, thats why he put it in my head, to skip church on easter. he told me and i believed that nothing i wrote would be done and i should just stay home because everyone else was gonna get a blessing but i wasn't. I'll go so far as to say this, I have a very strong feeling somethings gonna happen on sunday, if not to me then someone i'm close to. Something spiritual, not physical. The last time I felt this strongly, i ended up in the flor at the alter, and by the time it was said and done I had asked for and recieved the holy spirit. or rather as we call it the holy ghost. so in closing, i want to just thank god, o my i'm about to start shouting, o, don't do that,shhh be quiet! thank you god for putting people in my life who incourage me when i have nothing left, thank you for giving them endless patience and wisdom so they are able to deal with my moodes and can help, o, no, no get out of my head, not that i don't like the song but moms asleep in the next room, and when all i'm hearin is o what a singing, o what a shouting, on that happy morning when we all shall rise, well its really hard to be quiet. ya know? ok well anyway, thanks god for being so awsome!

keepin it real

disclaimer: if your having a perfectly good day and are happy about everything, i would stop right here, because like the title says, I'm keepin it real.

if any christian ever tells you your walk will be smooth sailing all the time and you'll never lose hope in god, then they're wrong! for the past few days I've tried to pretend o i'm good life is great, but inside I've been broken. in fact I'm in so many peeces right now that i can't even find them all. easter, which is suppose to be one of the mostif not the most important day of the year for christians,i can't think about it. I want to go hide until its over. at the church i attend, we've been incouraged to write a leter to god asking him to give us the desires of our heart. now, do i have things that i would like god to change? yes, but I can't write the leter. why? because, somewhere along the way I've lost the belief that god can work in my life. I've heard the stories of how things have changed in others lives, and every time I do i get all excited, but I also think, o, well that was them, nothing will happen to me. every time I go to church I quietly hope and I guess pray that someone will have a word from the lord for me, and every time a little part of me says well toldya so,no word for you. and it hurts so bad! so then the question came into my head, ok lord, what have I done wrong? if you'll just tell me I'll fix it, I'm trying to do right, i mean i don't drink or curss, i'm in the word daily, i pray when I get prayer chains, among other times, what, lord? what have I done? I try not to judge, I try to stay patient with my family and friends, even when they're not doing what i want, or not quick enough, I try to remember to thank you for each day I wake up, and i try to remember to thank you for the food, so what am i doing? maybe, by putting this out their I'll get some answers, and maybe, just maybe the peeces of my spirit will mend themselves so I can stand up sunday morning and shout from the hilltop he is risen, and really believe what I'm saying.and,maybe, just maybe I can poor out my heart in a leter and know without a doubt that everything I write will be heard.as a final note, this song has been in my head all day, and I don't understand why. Youtube URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8S8kYSuRQ0&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I want to apolagize in advance for ruinning anyones day, I try to keep it lite and positive on here, but i felt this needed to be said. in fact, i feel better now that its out.

almost march! hury up!

who knows what the month of march holds for me? 10 points if you guess it before I tell you, come on, 30 seconds, starting now... times up, march is the month I finally get my i-phone! now let me just tell you right off the bat that the phone i have is ok for simple stuff, yes i can text, and see my missed calls and blah blah blah. let me tell you what i can't do with this phone, I'll try to keep this um, short. if I get a text, and miss who its from the first time, well guess what? to bad, so sad. I just have to text back and hope they answer me so I'll have a clue who i'm talking to. and, also while I'm writing a text, their is that small thing about me not being able to see what I'm writing, no punn intended. The phone will read me letter by letter as its being typed, but i can't get it to read words, and if i lose my place or get distracted then I scrap the hole text and start over, because it wont read what I've written. one more big thing and then i'll move on. this phone has no place for headphones, so in otherwords what I type everybody can hear. now its not like I'm texting the cia or anything but I know it gets annoying to people around me hearing c a t dot. exclamation point, d o g. and its in this really annoying female voice who sounds like she's either really bord or has been smoking crack, you be the judge. with the i-phone i can not only do all the above mentioned things, but i can change the voice and put head phones, in, and perhaps the most exciting thing? every single bit of this phone, is 100 percent blind friendly, all of it, anything I put my fingers on, anything I double tap to get it to open, all my ringtones, contacts, apps, etc. all of it! o and their is the fact that i can have my bible, pleasure books, music, games, email, adress book, planner,and whatever else all in one spot, and always at my pretty little delicate fingertips! how about that! so march whatever it is where i can get this stupid verizon card off my account, hury up! if you were looking for a deep post that would calm your nervs or open your spiritual eyes, then sorry to disappoint you, maybe next time.
be blessed, y'll!

update

well, I now have something to write about. not a lot, but hey its a start. I have not been forgotten about on the apartment waiting list. Infact, I'm getting closer to moving. I might have one in 2 or 3 months. I have almost forgotten what its like to live alone. I know one thing I'm looking forward to greatly, and that is, drumb roll please, sunday naps! I can take one here, but I'm talking deep undisturbed naps. and as excited as I get about church and as much as i jump around, I so need those. I've started going to a church on sunday nights with sherri, they don't have am worship and we don't have pm service so it works out fine, and I am not church hopping in fact I don't feel the same freedom as i do at faith chapel. not saying its not good but.. I was flat out bone tired last night, so i could have used an apartment yesterday afternoon to recharge. so yeah, thats one major thing I'm excited about once I move. to prove how ontime god is, right now I have internet through verizon wireless, I have a verizon card, so if my phone gets service, then I can access the internet with my computer. anyway, right now I couldn't aford internet through charter and i know its cheaper if you get the bundle. But god knows whats best so hes making me wait till i can get this verizon card off my bill,before he allows me to move. I'm sure that doesn't make a lot of sense to y'll but the point is he's in time on time every time! ok this has nothing to do with nothing, but I'm counting down till i can get my iphone! come on march! and that, my friends is where i stand on the apartment and in my life.

patience

That is a word that is not in my vocabulary and as I've said, not in my dna. no word on an apartment. nada, nothing, at all. Man! this waiting is torturing me! Still on the waiting theme, I thought i was ellegible for a phone upgrade, which is a good thing because I'm having phone issues or somebody is. All the texts I'm sending to people are going through, all except to one person. She can't recieve mine, and I can't recieve hers. this has been going on sense monday, and sense i text her every day its quite annoying, and I have no idea how to fix it. so anyway, I was all excited, thinking well if i get a new phone this will fix the issue. well it might, but i can't upgrade till march, grrrr! So I hope this fixes itself sooner rather than later. I'll be getting an iphone in march, so I'm highly excited, but wish it'd hury up! other than waiting, not much to report. My church is in transition which will be so amazing once everything is said and done. I'm not even worrying about that, because I'm sticking to that church like glue and unless they stray away from gods plan then I'll be around for the next hundred years or so. maybe the next post I'll have news, or at least something interesting to discuss.