have some ramblings.

so once again i have slacked on blogging, o well, not realy anything new. I do have some things to say though. First of all I will no longer be posting my blogs to social media because of the recent war I started when i posted a status last wed night. I will pick and choose who I want to read my stuff, and they are people i know wil not be critical of me. now, what happend, you may ask? Last wed i was on the phone with my friend, and something was brought up about harry potter and reading the books and watching the movies. She said that when i read that stuff I'm inviting evil into my house. now, before i continue, its important to note this,when people say things to me if i'm gonna get mad i usualy don't do it right away, it takes anywhere from a few minutes to a few days before it really makes me mad. and I'm usualy not very calm cool and collected, i'm usualy saying stupid stuff that i regret later, o yes I have a temper. you might not think that just by interacting with me, and the longer I keep stuff inside the madder i get. so that didn't sit well with me when she said it, and then i started thinking about it and just got furious, so i posted to facebook just because I read HP doesn't mean I'm inviting evil and doesn't mean I'm not christian, and how i better not hear anybody say I'm not a christian because of what i read. so the comments started coming in, o very well said and agree and stuff like that.then came 2 people's comments, that just really put me under the bus so to speek.I have met both of these ladies before, one of them use to be in the singing group i was apart of at antioch. both of them are very outspoken, and don't care to let you know it. One of them just started bashing me for reading that stuff and just because its fake doesn't mean its not real, the other one came to my defense and it just got nasty. I have never had anything like that happen before on a a status, so i finaly just told them both to stop they were making my head hurt. in fact one of them is real lucky i didn't remove her on the spot.I went to church that night, but i was so broken, i felt like a peece of dirt in the carpet that someone just stepped on over and over.We had an awsome move of god that night, but i could do nothing.I sat in my seat with my elbows close to my body and I never put my purse down.things were happening, but I wanted no part of it, i wanted to go home. so finaly I got my wish, we left met my uncle where we always meet, got in the car and mom calls, where are you at? this next part is not my words but hers, mom, where are you at? me, we're on our way home, mom, my god! how long does church last! I don't know if i actualy flinched physicaly but I know i did emotionaly when she said that last part. So my uncle dropped me off at home, and mom would not speek to me, not even hi, she went to bed and i went to my room.the next day my monthly visitor showed up, so not only was i past the point of depressed, but I wanted to murder someone. So me and my uncle go to cookeville that night to eat and see my grandmother, and here he starts on me, i told you one day you were gonna start war, i told u not to put that stuff on there for everybody to see. We have always been at odds on what is facebook exceptable and what isn't. I just say what i think and if people have a problem with it then they don't have to be my friend, well i use to till i started all that.Going back to that just a minute, i actualy took a 24 hour break from fb because i was so depressed and couldn't take anymore. so we go eat and stuff and on the way back something was brought up about the way i answer the phone.now, if i know you I won't answer the phone hello? I'll be like yes? thats just how i am, i don't like the phone anyway, in fact after about 10 minutes or so I get bord and am ready to hang up.The only exceptionto that is if I really need to talk. so here he starts, you need to be more pleasent, uh, excuse me?Sometimes you really have an attitued problem, o really?o and here's the thing I hate, you are just like your mother! Here's what i thought but didn't say. an attitued problem? huh, wonder why that is? yall think i can't do nothing for myself, and the things i do yall go right behind me and redo it, yall told me i couldn't have a dog as a pet because i couldn't take care of it, so i setteled for a cat, which is fine now but i wanted a dog. You make fun of the church i go to, just cause it ain't church of christ doesn't mean I'm going to hell,and by the way wayne and mom church is the only place i can be myself, the only place nobody tries to change me or fix me or say you can't you can't you can't. Instead its go for it! so anyway, to make a long blog short because I'm tired of typing, i was so ready for sunday and I was greatly rewarded. I got up sunday morning ready to worship and worship i did.I sang and shouted like i haven't done in a long time, and i didn't care if i was sharp, flat, or just plain awful.in fact I couldn't hear the choire, but i was like ok, well if noone else will sing i will, if noone else will shout i will. and that, finaly brought me all the way up out of the pitt i had been in, finaly i was able to answer honestly when people said how are you? and now I'm back on the rock!