giving it all

well, I'm not exactly sure how to start this post, so I'm just gonna dive right in. to the best of my ability, I have given every area of my life over to god. every area except 1. my money. The bible says your suppose to give 10 percent of your earnings back to God. I have never done this. I was putting in 20 bucks every now and then but I haven't even done that lately. One reason plain and simple. feare of the unknown. I know once I give my money back to god, that my life will be totally and completely in his hands. and while I know he will make me the head and not the tail and provide me with many blessings, its still so unbelieveably hard to surrender the last bit of control I have. As a random note, I have never been able to just quote scriptures like I am, but these are just stuck on the clipbord of my mind and they're taunting me. normally I don't even think about this stuff till the offering is being taken up on sunday. then their's always that pang of guilt. and the voice in my head saying you should give, o i love this excuse, I totally love it. my excuse to myself as to why I dont give? well, i'm standing in the quire, and my purse is all the way over their and i don't want to walk over get my purse put the money in and then walk back over. see what the devil can do once you let him in your head? O o and the other excuse is this, well moms gonna ask why i need 70 bucks taken out every month, and when i tell her its for the offering and try to explain then she's gonna fuss at me. Right. I must find a way to get past this, if I don't, I'll never be blessed because I'm not doing the will of god. this post is very deep, and very hard to write. I thought about not putting it to paper, but i knew it would rattle around in my head till I got it out their. now, its up to me to act. nobody can do it for me as much as i would like them to. as much as I would love to keep pretending that everythings ok when I know its not. well everythings out on the table, so now we'll see what happens