calm

That’s how I feel right now .The past couple days have been so relaxing. Nothing special has happened, I haven’t gone anywhere, or done anything, I’ve just felt relaxed. I’m no longer looking at every boy I see and thinking, oo, he’s nice, maybe we could date. Its important to note that I haven’t had any contact with boys in a long wile, but think my previous statement stands. And, having said that, I’m off to either curl under a blanket, or read a book.

what a difference a day makes

Well, these past 2 days have been as different as night and day. Yesterday was awesome! Church was great, then we had a baptism. Then at the camp service last night, we had another baptism. In between services, I snuck in a nap, and read. After the service, we had pizza, great food and felloshiping, woohoo! Today, has been the total opposite. The plan was to get some much needed work done. Uh, right. Technology had other plans. I had to find and install another book reading program on my computer, because the one I had, kicked the bucket. Well, ok, so the flash card did, but either way, I lost all my books, not a happy camper! So I found, and installed a program from bookshare.org. But then I spent the next 3 hours trying to figure out how to use it. So, I had not only wasted my hole afternoon, I was well out of the notion to work. I figured out how to use the program, by the way. So, just as I figure this out, I go to use the bathroom, and flush the commode, only to notice a weird sound coming from it. I was like, huh, that’s odd. But didn’t think to much of it. So the next time I had to go in their, flushed it again, and was like, uh, wait, I hear dripping. I found the source of the drip, and followed it down, both sides of the commode are soaked in water. So, I have water all over my floor, and yes, I did feel to make sure it was just water, didn’t want any surprises. Ok. So, that happened. Its important to note that at this point, I was still ok. Even after all this, I was still ok. This morning, as I was praying, I said, lord, if its your will for mike and I to work out, then make it happen, but if not, then give me peace to move on. Last night when I got home from church, I was just soo excited about our new siblings in Christ! So I’m talking to him about it, and he’s like, o. well that’s good. As soon as I get that sentence out of my mouth, he starts complaining about how his day has been so crappy. That really brought me down, and really got on my nervs. And its not just been that. To be blunt, he doesn’t love the lord like I do. And, I honestly can’t be with someone like that. So, after prayer, and talking to Erica, I ended it. Its not meant for us to work out, I love him, but not in the way that he or I deserve. This example was given to me. Lets say your stand beside a firefighter, and you see a burning building, and you tell him, go, go fight the fire! And he does nothing. You keep saying, do it, do it, go now! Eventually, you stop saying anything, because your wasting your time and air. Mike has beenwanting to get out on his own since I’ve known him. But has he done anything to help himself? No! He’s just waiting on others to come in and do it for him. He wants people to say, o bless your heart, honey, ccome live with me and I’ll take care of you. I might could deal with that, might. But, he says, I love you to me all the time, but he never once shows it, and he always waits till the end of conversations to say it, and then its just like, o well, said that for the night, wont have to say it for another day. I want someone to love me for who I am, and what I like. I don’t want to have to change my hole personality just to make someone happy. And, hear this, I will, not, will, not, give up my relationship with god, for anyone! It wont happen! I’d rather die single and happy, than die married and unhappy and not knowing who my redeemer is. Having said all this, my wall of resistance is not their. If he calls me right now, or pushes and pushes, we’ll be right back to square one. So, if I have any readers, send up a prayer or 2 for me, please, I know I’ll need them. Checking on me wouldn’t be a bad idea either. I know without a doubt that I’ll have days where I’ll just want to give in, and ok, we can try again. If you care about me at all, you will not let me do this. I am serious, ya’ll, I’m tired of being torn from limb to limb. I need friends and prayers and texts and wallposts, and chocolate, or whatever. Ok, so maybe not the chocolate. I’ll be ok, just give me some time.

good saturday!

So, I woke up just as out of sorts as I was last night. Not in a good mood at all, and just wanted everything to go away.I snapped at the bf, and if anyone else would have contacted me, they would have been snapped at, to. But, wait wait wait, it gets much better. I ate lunch, and that helped, then I turned on the radio, OMW! Music! I heart you! I have two radios on in 2 different rooms, on 2 different stations. O yeah, and tomorrow? We’re singing songs I know at church, yippee! O and my favorite song leader is leading, get excited! Pizza after pm church tomorrow night, yay fellowship time!Soooo, my saturday is good! And, the day is still young!

thoughts

Well, lets put my thoughts in some sort of order. Things around here are mostly good. I haven’t been up to much really, just reading. That’s all well and good, but for one thing: I’m bord and lonely. I should be working, but don’t have the motivation to do so. Why, you might ask. While I love summer, everyone’s so busy, so this means less time with my friends, no mobility , 4 ladies bible classes, but they’re over, vbs, which I didn’t go to, abc, we wont go their, and just in generl everyone having stuf to do. I’m trying so hard to stay positive, but when my neighbor who use to come over every night, hardly comes over at all, and everyones just never around, its getting tough. Sorry, I’m just really frustrated. Moving on, I’m now back together with the guy I started dating in feb. No sarcasm, please. He’s having a bit of a hard time, which its not my place to go into. I miss my mother. She wont come up unless I twist her arm, so I just said forget it. Anyway, I’ll end now. Happy thoughts are appreciated.

what I would like to see happen for the new christians at church.

My weekend has been pretty good. Before I recap, I want to say that God knew what he was doing this morning. Camp was talked about, but he gave me the peace I needed and I was fine. I mean I wish I was their, but I’m not, so there. We had a baptism this morning. I need to go find the lady and say hi and welcome to the family. Sunday school was really good. Started going to the young couples class last week, and went back today. I discussed with the pastor the posibility of starting a class for new Christians. I emailed some people, and they like the idea, so, there is a chance a new class could form in the spring, happy clap! I just really think the church needs an outreach for new Christians or those who are kinda like, well, what is it? Who is jesus? I’ve known him for over a year, and don’t feel that I’m as far along in my walk as I’d like. I haven’t had a mentor, to guide me along the way. I would like to not only have the class, but hook everyone up with people who are farther along in their walk, and can answer the questions that us new be’s ask. The graduating seniors from youth group get a mentor, to help them through the first 80 days being away from home, going to school, etc.along with just being their to listen and pray over and for them. Last year when they did this I was like, ok, whatever. But this year I was like, wow! Ok, so I don’t feel like talking about my weekend now, it was fine. Any Nashville peeps wanna be my mentor?

its that time of year....

I’ve always heard that its better to express yourself then to keep it inside. So here we go. Every summer my church has Antioch bible camp at fall creek falls. This is for kids from 5-12 grade, I think. It’s a major deal. Everyone I know almost, is going. And guess who is not. And guess who is hurt, left out, again. The adults help with the kids, they are councilors, and teachers and stuff. So for the next week, all I’ll here is camp this and camp that. Now, I love the fact that baptisms happen their, and lives are changed. But starting on Sunday morning during church I’ll hear, are you all ready for camp? Sunday night if I go, they’re wont be hardly anyone there, guess where they’ll be. I don’t think I’ll go wed night. Saturday the 24, here it’ll come. Everyone will be coming back. Posting pics and comments on facebook. Sunday, morning it’ll be talked about. Sunday night, the service will be devoted to it, pictures, and videos, and o we had a blast and had such great memories.Noone’s even asked me to help. Everyone thinks I can’t, and maybe that’s true, but I wish some would have said, do you want to try and go and help? Instead I’m getting, well, I don’t think you could do anything, and, their’s lots of rocks and things to climb over, uh, so? I’m blind! That doesn’t mean I can’t walk! So, camp and I don’t have very good bonding memories, last year at camp time, the cat and I started having major problems. Now, I’m going to pray for the people there, and I’ll try to be happy and my normal self and all that stuff. But if I’m not, then you know why.

what I'm reading these days

Things around here have been fairly quiet. Hot, but quiet. I haven’t been working on my online stuff like I should, and I need to get back to that. I have, been doing tons of reading. Now, I’ll read anything, as long as it has a good story to it. The following is a list of what I’m reading as of today.
Fanticy in death. By J. D. Robb.

The Fiery Cross. by: Diana Gabaldon.
Wedding Ring (Shenandoah Album Series #1.) by: Emilie Richards.
Flowers on Main (Chesapeake Shores Series, Book #2) by: Sherryl Woods.
I am reading all of them, but right now I’m focusing on: The Fiery Cross.
Much awsumness comes from reading!