Monday, May 23, 2011
its hard to scale a wall
yep, its hard. so why build one in the first place? I didn't know at first I was building anything. By the time I figured it out, the bricks were already over my head. so I got to the point where I didn't care, and just kept building higher and higher. So now I'm trapped in a world of my own making, and I have no idea how to get out, the wall didn't come with a gate installed. I'm trying to decide if moving to cookeville would help or hurt the situation. Their are people on both sides of that issue. am I running or starting over? right now, I hardly know my name. right now I'm shattered into many tiny pieces. do I love myself? no. Do I love others? I thought I did. Do I love God? yes. Do I trust god? no. I'm trying so hard! its not that I don't want to trust him. But I don't know how. Everyone says god has a purpose for your life. Ok? what! is! it! huh! what! tell me! because I don't know. the weird thing is I have a devotional book that I read from almost every day. I have no idea why I do this. so, somehow, someway, I have to pick up the peeces and try to take this wall down. it might take a while, but I hope to be my usual self soon.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hmmm... so you have an opportunity to move. Since I don't know why you are thinking about it, I can't give you any advice... but... yeah, trusting God is hard and it takes a long time... and honestly I don't think you can make yourself do it... your walk with God is a relationship, and it has to develop with time. you have to choose to have faith in him sometimes, when things are tough and you don't understand... but even then, it's your brain choosing and not true trust from the heart.
ReplyDeleteWalls coming down are awesome... I think you'll be a lot happier when they are down and people can reach in and you can reach out. Just gotta be willing to change and try new ways of living and thinking.