home at last!

well, christmas is over, and I'm back in the place I love best. home! My own apartment, stuff, schedule, food, friends, phone, in short, life! the month of december has been busy from the word go! I'm ready to get back to my favorite place in my home invernment, church! I have enjoyed the extra sleep on sundays, but its not the norm. I had christmas with moms family as usual on christmas eve. Yesterday, I had christmas with my, uh, other parent, sperm doner, he is not a father to me, never has been. I got to see my step mom, granny, other brothers, neeces, and cousins. I'm still trying to figure out what, if any type of relationship I want with SD, aka, frank. I was civil and so was he, he spoke to me, but his words were empty and meaningless. I know I should forgive, or at least try to have some kind of relationship, but right now, I'm still so nervous and jumpy around them, and it'll take a long time before I feel ok. I love my stepmom and granny, and want to stay close to them, I text SM, so just need to call granny every now and then. The older of the other brothers didn't say 5 words to me, but he wanted a hug. That hurt, sort of, but I'm not pushing that one, we never were close. The 11 yearold sat beside me and opened his stuff, I was shy and so was he. Maybe over time we can get closer. If i have any kind of relationship with SD, I don't want to talk about the past. I want it left right where it is. I want him to know me now, not focus on what I was when I was 10. To end on a happy note, my brother in indiana and I have grown quite close.