what a difference a day makes

Well, these past 2 days have been as different as night and day. Yesterday was awesome! Church was great, then we had a baptism. Then at the camp service last night, we had another baptism. In between services, I snuck in a nap, and read. After the service, we had pizza, great food and felloshiping, woohoo! Today, has been the total opposite. The plan was to get some much needed work done. Uh, right. Technology had other plans. I had to find and install another book reading program on my computer, because the one I had, kicked the bucket. Well, ok, so the flash card did, but either way, I lost all my books, not a happy camper! So I found, and installed a program from bookshare.org. But then I spent the next 3 hours trying to figure out how to use it. So, I had not only wasted my hole afternoon, I was well out of the notion to work. I figured out how to use the program, by the way. So, just as I figure this out, I go to use the bathroom, and flush the commode, only to notice a weird sound coming from it. I was like, huh, that’s odd. But didn’t think to much of it. So the next time I had to go in their, flushed it again, and was like, uh, wait, I hear dripping. I found the source of the drip, and followed it down, both sides of the commode are soaked in water. So, I have water all over my floor, and yes, I did feel to make sure it was just water, didn’t want any surprises. Ok. So, that happened. Its important to note that at this point, I was still ok. Even after all this, I was still ok. This morning, as I was praying, I said, lord, if its your will for mike and I to work out, then make it happen, but if not, then give me peace to move on. Last night when I got home from church, I was just soo excited about our new siblings in Christ! So I’m talking to him about it, and he’s like, o. well that’s good. As soon as I get that sentence out of my mouth, he starts complaining about how his day has been so crappy. That really brought me down, and really got on my nervs. And its not just been that. To be blunt, he doesn’t love the lord like I do. And, I honestly can’t be with someone like that. So, after prayer, and talking to Erica, I ended it. Its not meant for us to work out, I love him, but not in the way that he or I deserve. This example was given to me. Lets say your stand beside a firefighter, and you see a burning building, and you tell him, go, go fight the fire! And he does nothing. You keep saying, do it, do it, go now! Eventually, you stop saying anything, because your wasting your time and air. Mike has beenwanting to get out on his own since I’ve known him. But has he done anything to help himself? No! He’s just waiting on others to come in and do it for him. He wants people to say, o bless your heart, honey, ccome live with me and I’ll take care of you. I might could deal with that, might. But, he says, I love you to me all the time, but he never once shows it, and he always waits till the end of conversations to say it, and then its just like, o well, said that for the night, wont have to say it for another day. I want someone to love me for who I am, and what I like. I don’t want to have to change my hole personality just to make someone happy. And, hear this, I will, not, will, not, give up my relationship with god, for anyone! It wont happen! I’d rather die single and happy, than die married and unhappy and not knowing who my redeemer is. Having said all this, my wall of resistance is not their. If he calls me right now, or pushes and pushes, we’ll be right back to square one. So, if I have any readers, send up a prayer or 2 for me, please, I know I’ll need them. Checking on me wouldn’t be a bad idea either. I know without a doubt that I’ll have days where I’ll just want to give in, and ok, we can try again. If you care about me at all, you will not let me do this. I am serious, ya’ll, I’m tired of being torn from limb to limb. I need friends and prayers and texts and wallposts, and chocolate, or whatever. Ok, so maybe not the chocolate. I’ll be ok, just give me some time.